Why do I say this, you may be asking yourselves.  Well, I’m sure that everyone has heard those stories [COUGH]lies[COUGH] about it being impossible to lick your own elbow.  Well, friends, I can lick my own elbow two different ways.  In researching this, I also read that it is supposed to be impossible to lick the area behind your knee, which I can do with both legs.  Honestly, it’s hilarious because I look like a cat when I do it, but I can do it.  Also, I sneezed with my eyes open for the second time ever last night.  I was then told several times by some friends that it’s impossible to do that [COUGH]lies[COUGH].  Tell me that I’m lying about all of these things.  I can provide you all with proof.  Granted, I would have to make a video of myself sneezing, and I can neither sneeze on command nor can I will my eyes to stay open as I sneeze, it just happens.  Then I freak out about it.  Also, I require the use of both of my hands to lick my elbow, so I can’t very well take a photo of that myself.  And my friends think that I’m weird when I show off such strange parlour tricks, so they probably won’t take the photos for me

It’s a blast from the past, all the cowgirls shaking their sassafras

tinyclicks:

lindstifa:

David, you apologize to Michael or you’re going to bed right now young man.

WHICH PART OF HIS FAT FACE SHOULD I APOLOGIZE TO?

The not fat part.  That way, you can pretend as though you’re being honest when you say that it’s not fat

I am alone here